By Jetara Ross
For many people, one’s home provides a sense of warmth, relief, stability and protection. At home we tend to have more freedom and more time for family. For victims of domestic violence, however, the home is anything but a refuge and for many, it becomes a lifelong prison from which they feel is impossible to escape.
Domestic violence victims stay with their abusers for many reasons:
• Love for the Abuser: As with any relationship, even victims of abuse genuinely love their partners. Victims of domestic abuse are generally kind-hearted people who truly see the good in others, often allowing them to overlook the bad and tolerate the abuse by their partners.
• Fear: Victims of abuse are often afraid that leaving the abuser can result in harsher means of abuse.
• Victim blaming: In a study conducted on domestic violence, 10% of men believed that it was ok to hit a woman if she does something wrong. This belief has created a culture in which domestic violence is normalized and justified. The victim too, believes that they are to blame for their partner’s behaviour and that their “undesirable” behaviour deserve “punishment.”
• Abuse and Self-Esteem: Abuse is about control. It’s something that the abuser deliberately perpetrates on their victims to increasingly break down their sense of self-worth. The constant break down of the victim’s self-worth leads them to believe that they are in fact to blame for the abuser’s anger. The abuser then highlights this belief by saying just that. The victim may continuously strive to ‘be better,’ further perpetuating feelings of shame and a low self-worth.
• Financial Concerns: Many abusers want their victims to be dependent on them. Often, when victims have to choose between poverty and staying with an abuser, many choose to remain, especially when they have children. Despite the many reasons why victims stay, partners leaving abusive relationships need immense support and resources to remain safe and to stay strong enough not to return. If you find yourself in a similar situation and require guidance and support, please do not hesitate to contact me.
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